What if we treated ourselves, like we treat our toddlers?
It sounds silly, right? Why would we treat ourselves like we treat our three year olds? But what if the way we treat our toddlers, is how we should all be treated?
When we raise our children, we want the best for them. We try so hard to guide them towards the best life possible. And as we do this, we teach them an unwritten set of rules.
1) We feel our emotions, validate, and comfort each other. When our toddlers are sad, we tell them we understand. We allow them to cry and let it all out. And we hug them close to us, letting them know we’re there.
2) We give grace for mistakes while learning. We would never expect a child to know how to swim right away – we give them the time and space to learn. If they don’t pass a level – we don’t criticize. We encourage them to keep trying. We remind them to do their best – that’s what matters. It’s with this love and acceptance, that they are able to grow.
3) We fuel with healthy food. We work so hard to get our toddlers to eat healthy. We give them options for vegetables and fruit, so they can see what they like, and they’ll get the nutrients their bodies need. We try to limit chemicals and unknown ingredients. We know that too much sugar makes their stomachs hurt and their brains go wild. We try to teach them about healthy food and eating habits.
4) We prioritize sleep. We know exactly how they’ll act if they miss a nap. We know how long they should sleep for their age to get adequate rest. We try to limit screens and vigorous activity right before bed. We make sure their room is cool, dark and comfortable. We know how important a bedtime routine is for them to start winding down, and we try to do the same thing, at the same time, each night.
5) We encourage play and imagination. We get them dress-up clothes, dolls and figurines. Play kitchens and doctor sets. Musical instruments and art supplies. We try to expose them to new people, places, and ideas. We love to hear how they think, and try to make them laugh. We want to fuel their creativity and imagination. We tell them they can be anything they want to be.
6) We spend as much time outside as possible. Outside they can be uninhibited. Loud, messy and active. They can run and roll in the grass. Play in the water and splash in the puddles. Soak up the sun. We know the light, air and trees are good for their bodies and souls.
7) We limit screen time. Because we know, deep down, that it’s not healthy for anyone to stare at technology for long periods of time, in place of human connection and experience. And we see how addictive screens can be when we pull an iPad away from a toddler.
8) We wear clothes that make us feel good. Once they start to have opinions, we let them express themselves through clothing. They might pair a bright orange shirt with green patterned pants - but we see how happy they are to make this creative choice for themselves, and we go with it.
9) We cherish our friendships. It’s important to us that they make and keep friends. To have people to learn from and laugh with. We teach them to think about others’ feelings, to be kind, and to follow the golden rule.
10) Overall – our goal is to be happy and healthy.
Unfortunately, we see these rules start to bend as we age. Already, I’ve caught myself treating my 5-year old son differently than I did a few years ago. Of course, there are new responsibilities he can take on now. He is in kindergarten and is so grown up in many ways.
Starting to expect more and more out of our kids just kind of creeps up on us. Growing up in the modern world has a seriousness about it. Growing up means responsibility and rules. Being quiet, listening and sitting still. Doing what you’re told and having to learn quickly to make sure you keep up with everyone else.
By the time we are full-fledged adults, we have been asked to damp down our light many times. We’ve made sacrifices of ourselves to fit into groups, and to please the authority figures in our lives. We forget how to just play. We forget to pursue what makes us happy. We don’t always get grace and understanding from others, and we forget to give it to ourselves. And suddenly, as we start our adult lives, we are so far from that little spark of joy we used to be.
The good news? When we have our own kids, that little spark within us is ignited again.
When we watch our kids play, we start to remember how to live in the moment again. How to laugh and not take things too seriously. Whether we like it or not, emotions are forced back to the surface. Our kids make us come alive again. And maybe that’s their job, to remind us.
When we have toddlers, we devote ourselves to ensuring their health and happiness – but why should this stop at age three? We all deserve to live by the toddler rules of life.
XO, Lauren